The Post in which I Rant about Bad Librarians and use an Alliteration

Have you ever had that awful feeling that you're being watched? Back at my hometown library, I always have this feeling. In fact, I think everyone who goes to my library does. Maybe they feel this way because its true, they are being watched. I should take this moment to warn you if the title hasn't enough already, I'm going to rant.

I absolutely and completely loathe the librarians at our library. I swear, if the Gods of books single-handedly picked the fourth cousin twice removed from your meanest teacher's strict mother's side of the family, she/he would be a better option.One of ours specifically, has a personality that says she was plucked straight from hell. I don't know if they read down there but if they do, she's be perfect for the job.

First, she's always watching you!(thought my opening didn't have a point, didn't cha?) I have personally verified for myself that she only has two eyeballs. On her face at least.Even at that, she manages to study everyone around her. Why?Because she's extremely nosy. That's why her books are so big, they're full of everyone's secrets!(Mean girls reference. Ba dum Bum!) The moment her greedy ears hear anything that doesnt have to do with her, she's immediately looking for someone to tell. And boy does she tell!

Literally, she stands behind her evil little librarians desk and announces the gossip so that everyone can hear. Then, she picks up the phone and calls people to tell them!

When she's satisfied with her daily dose of drama <------(alliteration! I did learn something in elementary school!) she's still hungry, but for actual food.She lets everyone know this as she pulls out a stack of coupons for meals and begins trading them with her librarian henchmen.At this point, I should be relieved but i'm not because no matter how loudly she talks about how hungry she is or about what a great deal she's getting with her coupon, she never really goes to lunch.

Unnamed librarian is extremely rude, especially to people who arent regulars there. If somone asks for help, she loudly exclaims how annoyed she is and lists all the things that are not her responsibility. If and when she finally helps them, she repeats an aggravated mantra of, "Ya'll don't do me right." and, "It's not my job to babysit yall." and finally,"I like hitting puppies with books." Okay,I added the second one is obviously but you get the point.

There are so many that she and her librarian buddies do that drive me insane so i'll just list them to spare you of an entire manuscript.
they also...
~loose every single book that I order to be sent to our branch with the online catalog. This is not a dramatization. Out of the many times I've put books on hold, only once have they ever actually not lost my book.
~leave the bathrooms void of toilet paper or soap
~play on their computers, making patrons wait until they are ready to pay attention
      -match.com   -facebook    -I'mastupidlibrarian.com
~converse loudly about patrons the moment one has exited the library
~dont know how to use the computer to check people out(I'm talking to you, spiky haired blonde)

Okay I feel much better after letting that all out. I also just discovered something.
 I spend waaay too much time at the library.