Sunday, October 27, 2013

WWJD? (What would Joe Do?)

Back at home, there's this man in our town who lives in a beautiful brick house with blue shutters and probably the most well maintained yard in his neighborhood. He's in his early thirties or late twenties, owns a well-kept car and everyone in town knows his name. For privacy purposes, we'll call him Joe. But despite all this, no one considers this guy a "regular old Joe." Although he owns an expensive car, you'll see Joe driving back and forth on a single road on his moped for hours at a time. Sometimes when it rains he will sit outside of a building with an outdoor outlet and blow dry himself. He also owns a pair of pink pants that seem to be his favorite, or so I've noticed when I see him sitting on the corner dancing with headphones in his ears and eating subway. If one never knew all these things and had a random conversation with Joe, they would NEVER even think any of this of him. But for the people who know his routine, they either claim he is without a doubt insane, or say he fakes it for money. My opinion? Nothing is wrong with Joe at all. He’s a regular guy whose up and discarded society's rules of normalcy. The things he does are out of the ordinary and sometimes downright weird, but that's what makes him happy and that's what separates him from every other person.

     I think there’s a lot to learn from observing Joe. In our small town, everyone knows everyone, and the slightest mistake out of what people expect of you will haunt you forever. But if you are out and proud from the get go about exactly who you are, what your flaws are, and what you believe in, there will never be a time where you feel like you've been outed or embarrassed. There are so many people who would rather conform to society’s rules of normal, so that they won’t end up looking foolish or different when in actuality all they're doing is depriving themselves of the most extreme happiness that they could have. Happiness includes being proud of who you are and never apologizing for it.

When i say this I don't mean, being a "hipster" or even "anti hipster". I think there's this new thing where being odd and different is meant to be cool and by being odd or different you suddenly are cool; while if you're not quirky and crazy you are not cool. Well, now the normal girl or boy who doesn't like funky cat knit sweaters or prefers coca cola over tea is on the outs. They aren’t cool because they aren’t cooky enough. But in the end, how are you being crazy or different when everyone else is doing it too?

    Today's post may not apply to many people but it's just been going through my mind. For a while, I was the type of person who over analyzed myself and always wanted other people to accept me. Something as simple as staring in the mirror too long would make me change my clothes or hair. It nearly happened today this morning actually. I decided that today I wanted to wear a pair of leggings and my combat boots, a tank top and this loose see through turquoise thingy(idk what to call it.) I LOVED the outfit but after a moment   I remembered reading something on the internet that went like, "If you don't have a big butt, you shouldn't be wearing leggings." It's very funny now that I think about it. Like I can't stop a smile from cracking a smile on my face, but for moment I was like, "Uh oh." I really don't have a very dominant back end and I was afraid when people saw me they'd think, "what is she wearing?!"

     But that wasn't just it. What if they thought I looked fast or loose for wearing leggings with boots?! Did my leggings look too tight? Did I look, dare I say it, whorish? And my top? Was it granny-ish? Did it add weight while making me look flat chested? After a moment of panicking my aunt told me I had another minute to be ready to leave or I would be left. For some odd reason I made the split decision that I didn't care and I scolded myself for second guessing. My brain immediately linked the word dont and care to Joe and suddenly it popped in my head! WWJD?

      So I've taken an unspoken, unwritten pledge to myself that along with What would Jesus do in morally trying situations, I'd consider what would Joe do, in situations when I feel like I'm trying to please others. I've always been a fan of taking the road less traveled and now, even when I catch myself slipping I'll always try to consider what this odd man from my town would do and then make my decision. Because what everyone else is doing, how they are dressing, or how they act, may be satisfying, but taking the nontraditional route will always be more fun, make the best stories and in the end, there will be no doubts or second thoughts.

This has been another Sunday Post in which Leah drones on about the random sometimes sentimental thoughts going through her mind. Comment below and give me your thoughts! I shall consume them with milk and cyber cookies.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Why bother?

Hey guys! So this will be another post in which Leah rants on about things that run wild in her mind. And yes, sue me, I just referred to myself in third person. Tarzan did it, why can't I?

So recently I've been feeling rather dragged down with the progress of a novel I've been writing. I want to say I started it a little before new year's last year so maybe I've been working on it for about a good two years. I recently started querying for this special trilogy when I finished the third draft. After four rejection letters I realized I needed to take a break and draft again. Enter draft number four.

Now before I began this a few weeks ago I was very depressed. I had a dream to be published before I graduated and from the looks of it, I just wasn't good enough to ever live out that dream. My story would never be told. These people who have lived before my very eyes for a little over a year would never be made real in the eyes of readers. I was stuck. In my mind everything was against me, everything.

Things going against me
- A trilogy is too ambitious, I've spent a year on just one book as it is!
- No agent will ever want me. I'm inexperienced and a project this big is too much for any amateur
- People will start loosing faith in me and my ability to write
- There are so many amazing stories and writers out there, why in the world could I ever be one of them?

     These were just a few of the things that kept me weighted down. I no longer went to sleep dreaming about becoming a writer and signing at book events.  I could have started another draft and started again, but every time I sat down to write I'd just think to myself, "all of these things are going against me. Why bother?"

     I hope this post appeals to you outside of writing because I know a lot you are not writers. Have you ever had that feeling with any passion at all? That you'd never be good enough or  never get to accomplish a goal that means everything to you?

      After talking to some people and reading some online articles I discovered something. Whatever this unattainable goal is, do not let it make you fall out of love with your passion. If you have a goal, where did it stem from? My goal to be published stemmed from my love of writing and my want to share my writing. It came from that feeling I got when I stayed up until 4am every night typing up a world within the world I lived in. I wanted people to be taken away from there own problems with my story the way writing it swept me away from everything that was bothering me. I wanted to tell a story, and I wanted to put my heart and soul into writing, and that's exactly what I did.

Why bother?
Why bother practicing if you'll never get that solo you've been dreaming about in chorus?
Why bother training if you'll never be good enough to be in the Olympics.
Why participate in pageants if you'll never be a famous actress/singer/model?

The answer is simpler than you think, because you love what you're doing.

Sometimes we need to take a step back from the glory that could come from accomplishing a goal and remember where this goal came from. If you are pouring your heart and soul into something, I hope it's because it's something you love. If it is something you love, then no failure or success could ever take that from you.

I've started writing again and I am still completed committed to this same story. For now, all I'm focusing on is writing the best story I can and improving myself more and more. Writing started because of my imagination, I love telling stories and that hasn't changed. I'm still able to tell stories, and I'm still able to hear the click of keyboard  beneath my fingers. For now, I'm focused on the glory and happiness I get from that.

Wow...that got kinda deep. *takes off rain boots* 

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Can girls and Guys be best friends?

(Insert proper greeting here)
     Guess who went to ze magical library yesterday?! MEEEE! Gah! Getting new books gives me such a high. Especially when it's a book I was nearly about to actually purchase when I ran out of checkout resources. You may be wondering what book could possibly have me stalking it for so long without loosing interest and if you're not, too bad because I shall tell you anyway. Drumroll please?


     It's called Wake; the very first installment in the Watersong Trilogy by Amanda Hocking. I’d like to tell you how about how anticlimactic things got when I actually got the book in my deadly grasp or how I came to follow Amanda Hockings work but as usual I've wasted too much time babbling about something completely irrelevant. Instead, I'll start back with the title and repeat this age old question that plagues so many of us. Can girls and guys be best friends?

     In Wake, our rather bland MC, Gemma, begins a relationship with a handsome but adorably-nerdy older guy named Alex. Alex also happens to be Harper’s (Gemma's older sister) best friend of many years. Now, throughout the story Hocking reiterates and displays the fact that Harper and Alex have never and would never have feelings for each other. Despite that, it's still weird for Harper and that drives an awkward wedge into her and Alex's friendship.

     I've always been the girl who developed a crush the instant a guy said my name or even looked in my direction. I swear, it's so embarrassing. That's why guys shouldn't show me attention; I'm like a man eater ha-ha. That's beside the point. Up until this year, I maintained a group of mainly girlfriends for this reason. I’ve had guy friends and I always ended up having crushes on them so I decided I'd stick with females. This year things changed. I'm no tomboy, but I do enjoy a lot of "boyish things" and well, I don't exactly fit in with most girls if you can tell unless they're weirdness equals or amplifies mine. I maintain a small group of these awkward little buggars to an extent that I no longer have to really alter my likes to fit in with the other girly girls.

     Somewhere along the way, I made double the amount of guy friends that I have in girlfriends. I realized it recently and I couldn't believe it. I mean really? Has my man-eater curse been lifted? I mean, I am literally not crushing on a single guy I know! I think that started when I made the decision I didn't want to date until college. I don’t like leading guys on, and I don't like guys thinking that they can lead me on so for that, I immediately let guys know that I don't date when I meet them. I think we call it friendzoming in popular media. Gosh, I sound so conceited, obviously not every guy likes me, heck none of them do as far as I'm concerned but the second a bit of flirt comes out I have to squash it.

     Now note in the title, I said "BEST" friends. It's very possible for guys to be just friends or acquaintances. Best friends are when things get complicated. Think about it? If you have a best girlfriend, what do you do? You share crushes, you have sleepovers, and you complement each other to lift each other’s spirits. You're there when they need a shoulder to cry on or a hug and you act silly together.

Imagine doing all that with a guy. Gets a little awkward right?

Now, if you've been best friends since gender didn't matter in kindergarten then you're probably thinking, “We do all of that stuff and it's not weird! “He/she is like my brother or sister! Well if that person is like your brother then at some point, you're going to witness him begin to date and get into serious relationships and vice versa. When a new girlfriend or boyfriend comes into the picture then suddenly you can’t deny that someone is going to be uncomfortable with you and your, "best friend" having sleepovers, confiding in each other and doing these things that you do. You might have to limit the contact to hugs or less and no longer will you be able to call him at any hour crying because a leprechaun pinched you.

Because once a girlfriend comes in the picture, they become the best friend too but on a more romantic level. Choices have to be made and an awkward encounter or two is inevitable. In a perfect world, we could control who our hearts fell in love with. In a perfect world saying someone was "like your brother" always meant that no matter what changes you made as you grew up. But this isn't a perfect world, is it?

Despite this entire thing, I strongly believe that it's possible to be best friends with the opposite gender. If you can overcome all of these contraries that I have mentioned, not only is it possible, but you'll probably have an incredibly strong relationship in the end that even a girlfriend or boyfriend could accept and feel comfortable with.

Like I said, I have a lot of guy friends but also, lately I've been feeling like one is reaching that potential best friend territory. I think I had a crush on him for approximately 48 hours before I realized just because he was a nice guy, didn't mean I had to like him. In fact I think all along my mind has been testing me and finally I've passed. It hit me one day when I was messaging back in forth with him. Unlike other guys I was crushing on, I didn't get butterflies when I talked to him, I didn't even feel like I needed him to talk to me first. It wasn't awkward when I did talk to him first and IU didn't feel scared or have to force myself to do it. On the rare occasion that he didn't respond, I didn't feel like the world had caved in. This friends, is what it feels like to have a good friend, who is just that, a good friend.

 I won’t disclose names but I'll show some comparisons of him, one of my female best friends, and a crush.

Best friend will be called, Lovely girl
Guy friend will be called, awesome guy
Crush will be called, X

When I text them and they don't respond, my reaction for...
Lovely girl, that little twit! I'm going to repeatedly text her to annoy her."hey." "hey" "hey"
Awesome guy, *texts him again* You can hide from me, but I'm still lurking in your closet o.O
X, "Oh my god he hates me! Ugh! He probably thinks I'm such a creep! Oh well, time to cyber stalk him."

When they give me a compliment
Lovely Girl, This is why we're friends yo":) Do you think X agrees?"
Awesome Guy, “OH stahp it you ^_^. You can't see it but I'm snort giggling bashfully."
X, asdfghjkl! he said my hair was pretty! Oh he is soo going to propose to me! "haha thanks."

And finally

When they ask what I'm doing for the weekend
Lovely Girl, "What am I doing this weekend? But..But I thought we were going to find the bridge to Teribitihia together this weekend Dx"
Awesome guy, “Making out with the phantom, what else?"(We have this inside joke because of my obsession with the phantom of the opera: P)
X, marrying you? "Not sure. I need to find someone to make plans with, ;)"

When it all comes down to it, to make it work, there should be no awkwardness. There shouldn't be anything that you two feel uncomfortable talking about. Whether it is your crushes or dreams for the future. Always be open and honest.  These are just my opinions though; we have yet to see if they work.

What do you think? Can guys and girls be best friends?
(I'm thinking about doing a part two of this and also creating a quiz to see if you and your guy friend are getting closer to bf territory or bgf. Let me know if you'd like that :)

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Wednesday Night Poetry

The school week is almost over! Don't give up we can make it another two days! Until then, here be a poem I wrote last week :)

Yes I realize it went from stanzas into a mess of free verse but that's kind of how emotion works right?

Not Good Enough
A Poem by K.Leah Lotus
All Rights Reserved 
Copyright © 2013

Strike the match as if it might burn
hope is the spark of the soul
you long for the dance of the magical flair
-on your skin
in a world of
this desolate cold

Warm embrace, you beg for it's touch
it's chest inflated with pride
its yours for the taking, it summons you near
you'll be satisfied

Strike one, it sparked, but sputtered till death
and you try once more to ignite
and with palms slick with sweat, you try yet again
that this time
you'll finally light

and it does! and the glow, luminous! Bright!
but you see that you're scorched
by his and hers, they produce searing flames
you dwindle
so you fade
and you lower your torch
it still burns you
searing your gentle flesh
this small piece of lighting
has turned on you 
that one strike
the sharp friction
of wood on wood
on metal
on stone
the competition has gone
and now you're all alone
a dream deferred?
a competitor forgotten
this flare 
has been
into the  dust
you're light has not shown
because you're not good enough

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Critical Old People

  So today I was at a church picnic and after making my plate of two cookies and a turkey sandwich, I migrated over to my grandparents table. I had breakfast like two hours ago so I wasn't really hungry or eating the food I did have. Anyways, before I go on I should provide some back-story. *Cue music of your preference*
      In my family, for some odd reason, the old women have a twisted view on beauty. Your skin has to be a perfect complexion, you have to be lean, you're boyfriend or girlfriend has to be attractive to be accepted and if you have a baby, it better be gorgeous too.( Like...what baby isn't gorgeous again?) Here's the sick part, NONE of these old bats fit the descriptions that they force upon the younger generations of our family.It's safe to say that no, I don't deal with this section of my family at all and neither do a lot of the nieces nephews and children of that generation. Like my mom for instance, she has always raised me to believe that all girls are beautiful. It doesn't matter your body type, eye shape, skin color, hair length or face shape. We're all works of art.
     My grandmother is a part of that older generation and she's always been around that negative way of thinking. However, she's different in the fact that she's one of the sweetest people you will ever meet and she doesn't make an effort to hurt people's self worth. That doesn't mean none of their ways of thinking havent rubbed off on her. Still, imagine my surprise when I came over to the table, she looks me up and down and with a smile, says, "You're gaining weight. Maybe you should by your clothes in a bigger size." My heart dropped and all I could think to do was to laugh it off. On the inside though, I couldn't even will myself to look at the untouched food on my plate. Gained weight? I kept thinking. But I've lost weight since the beginning of the summer. I weighed around 124 in july but recently noticed that somehow that dropped to 118 in those months. I mean, I'm no stick but 118 pounds stretching over a girl who's 5'9 seems quite healthy to me.
     I found myself at home later, sitting on the treadmill wondering what else about me was wrong or unattractive? Did I dress bad? Did my hairstyle make my nose seem even bigger than it already is? Is this the reason that gorgeous boy from church didn't give me a second glance?
     Being religious, on Sundays my grandparents have literally tried to squeeze me into the same puffy sleeved communion dress I wore when I was ten, and not to mention the baggy clothes sets from the fourteen hundreds. Each time I've dodged it though, making an excuse or never really trying it on and claiming I'm much to tall for whatever mermaid man or barnacle boy suit they've prepared for me. My sister however, hasn't always been so lucky and since she's shorter and younger, she had the unfortunate privilege of spending an entire day in the same puffy dress my mother wore when she was seven. BUT MY SISTER IS THIRTEEN. I didn't really think about any of this until my sister approached the table next. Today, she'd been lucky enough to dress herself since we hadn't stayed the night at their house. Like me, she was wearing skinny jeans and a reasonable top. My grandmother looked her up and down, and told her the exact thing she'd told me. "You're getting thick. We need to take you shopping for some bigger clothes."
     By then, it was pretty clear that she had a huge problem with our outfit choices(though I swear we were dressed decently). Because the only way to say my little sister is fat is you're looking through the mirrors in a fun house. Okay, you don't like us wearing skinny jeans to church, whatever. But the look on my sisters face was worse than mine and I found myself leading her away on immediate damage control to make sure she hadn't been as effected by I was by the comment.  

     Isn't it amazing how one comment can completely shatter a persons self worth? It's like a cycle. I remember a few months ago at my grandmas house; her sister in law was visiting and she said something along the lines of, "You know, you're the only one of your sisters who gained weight as you got older." *cough* BULL! GET A NEW PAIR OF GLASSES OLD LADY! YOU"RE NO SLENDERMAN YOURSELF!
      What was up with that? Seriously. I mean, I hate to be discriminatory because I know that all older people are not like this, but what is it with senior citizens being so focused on looks?! Ever heard that, "Oh, you're gonna be a heart breaker when you get older," comment? Why must we draw so much attention to looks and attraction? It's bad enough it's all around us in media but hey, why not start 'em off only in your own family?

Sarcasm -.-

So that was a little rant that I thought I'd share with you guys. I used to do regular blog posts like this more often so if you liked this, let me know and I'll try to do more in this kind of format.

    Have a great week and remember no matter what anyone says(or their intentions) God made you who are you are for a reason. Don't let the way people see you affect the way you see the beauty in yourself or in others. Enjoy the rest of your day and if I don't post again in the next two weeks, just know I've been arrested for chasing old people around in a grim reaper costume.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Reasons to love Brendon Uri

Hey my lovely weirdo's. First of all, if you aren't siting in front of your computer screen with a plate of cyber cookies please begone! I mean, I have been making an incredible effort to get you guys more posts and that, my friends, is pretty deserving of some virtually consumable cookies. Alas, the point of this post is not to ridicule you for not appreciating my effort but it is a post where fans and non-fan's a like shall bask in the glory of one of my semi-obsessive loves.

Let us begin!

Reasons to Love Brendon Uri

For fans of : 
Fall Out Boy
Vine(the app)

Escaping Normal Biography: Brendan Uri is a singer in the band Panic! At The Disco. His vocals are wiggity wack wowza incredible and he's married to a pretty doe eyed chick who reminds me of Katy Perry.

1. His Voice
Okay so this dude has some serious pipes. Think Nate from FUN. with a little bit of quirky edge and even crazier range. I honestly didn't think it could get any better until I stumbled across the song C'mon, in which he and Nate are both attempting to make me die of happiness. I promise, the song is perfection.

2. His Vines
Fan or not, if you happen to stumble across a Brendon Urie Vine on youtube, you will be hooked. Not only is he just effortlessly hilarious, but the fact that he actually makes time in his busy schedule to let people into his personal life with him at home or driving, or whatever, is incredible.

And here we see a compilation of every vine he's ever made.

3.His mouth
Like Josh Hutchinsons jaw or Angelina Jolie's leg, there's something dad gum intriguing about his lips. I swear that's not me being a boy crazy girl, it's just true.

4.His personality
pretty self explanatory

5.His diversity
I already mentioned how much I love the song, C'mon but if you'd believe it, all of his Panic! At The Disco's songs don't have that light bouncy soaring feel. Now, this is more of the band than just him but I give them major props for being able to make such varying songs with an overall similar sound. A good example is
I Write Sins Not Tragedies vs. Mrs.Jackson. Listen to them both and tell me if you see the difference.

6. His style
If I were a guy...he'd be my fashion idol. I'd probably be a really weird guy.

8. He used to be a nerd!(according to this image)

And finally, I leave you with a video of P!ATD doing an acoustic performance. 

So just a small note, I think once every other week, I'll just be doing posts like this with a different person each time. If you're a fan, let me know in the comments and let me know of some people you absolutely adore and I might post about them!