Hey guys! So this will be another post in which Leah rants on about things that run wild in her mind. And yes, sue me, I just referred to myself in third person. Tarzan did it, why can't I?
So recently I've been feeling rather dragged down with the progress of a novel I've been writing. I want to say I started it a little before new year's last year so maybe I've been working on it for about a good two years. I recently started querying for this special trilogy when I finished the third draft. After four rejection letters I realized I needed to take a break and draft again. Enter draft number four.
Now before I began this a few weeks ago I was very depressed. I had a dream to be published before I graduated and from the looks of it, I just wasn't good enough to ever live out that dream. My story would never be told. These people who have lived before my very eyes for a little over a year would never be made real in the eyes of readers. I was stuck. In my mind everything was against me, everything.
Things going against me
- A trilogy is too ambitious, I've spent a year on just one book as it is!
- No agent will ever want me. I'm inexperienced and a project this big is too much for any amateur
- People will start loosing faith in me and my ability to write
- There are so many amazing stories and writers out there, why in the world could I ever be one of them?
These were just a few of the things that kept me weighted down. I no longer went to sleep dreaming about becoming a writer and signing at book events. I could have started another draft and started again, but every time I sat down to write I'd just think to myself, "all of these things are going against me. Why bother?"
I hope this post appeals to you outside of writing because I know a lot you are not writers. Have you ever had that feeling with any passion at all? That you'd never be good enough or never get to accomplish a goal that means everything to you?
After talking to some people and reading some online articles I discovered something. Whatever this unattainable goal is, do not let it make you fall out of love with your passion. If you have a goal, where did it stem from? My goal to be published stemmed from my love of writing and my want to share my writing. It came from that feeling I got when I stayed up until 4am every night typing up a world within the world I lived in. I wanted people to be taken away from there own problems with my story the way writing it swept me away from everything that was bothering me. I wanted to tell a story, and I wanted to put my heart and soul into writing, and that's exactly what I did.
Why bother practicing if you'll never get that solo you've been dreaming about in chorus?
Why bother training if you'll never be good enough to be in the Olympics.
Why participate in pageants if you'll never be a famous actress/singer/model?
The answer is simpler than you think, because you love what you're doing.
Sometimes we need to take a step back from the glory that could come from accomplishing a goal and remember where this goal came from. If you are pouring your heart and soul into something, I hope it's because it's something you love. If it is something you love, then no failure or success could ever take that from you.
I've started writing again and I am still completed committed to this same story. For now, all I'm focusing on is writing the best story I can and improving myself more and more. Writing started because of my imagination, I love telling stories and that hasn't changed. I'm still able to tell stories, and I'm still able to hear the click of keyboard beneath my fingers. For now, I'm focused on the glory and happiness I get from that.
Wow...that got kinda deep. *takes off rain boots*